So, any good job has built-in regular reviews. I.e. yearly, every 6 months you sit down with HR and your bosses and they do a performance evaluation of some sort. If you’ve done well, they sometimes give you raises, or pats on backs or whatever. They also let you know what you need to work on. If you’re smart, you look forward to these formal things because it’s a good excuse to ask for raises or raise bigger issues formally.
Now, when you’re first getting involved with someone, passion is high, infatuation is in the air, all you see is the best foot forward and you’re so hopped up on endorphins and feelings that you are blind (or more forgiving) to any potential issues. The novice can’t see past his nose and may never realize but after a few months, the ‘Honeymoon Period’ will end and the true colors will come out. In the ones that last, this is when you realize you can be around the other person when they are being a real person. It’s also when the dirt usually starts to show up. Moods, idiosyncrasies and quirks. The stuff drama and breakups are made of!
Well, I came to a bit of a revelation the other night, why can’t we literally schedule reviews of our relationships? I’m not usually one to count how many seconds I’ve been in a relationship but I do make note of certain events. Mark your calendar, six months after whatever day you’d consider your first serious involvement, (kiss, sex, asking the dating question, whatever…)
When the time comes, go out for a nice meal, or a walk, do something neutral and not-distracting, a picnic in a park or whatever. Sit down and literally say, “So. How are we doing?” Take a look at all the good things and the bad things that you guys did and went through in the past amount of time. Try to bring up things that annoy you. Honestly just treat it the same way as a job review. “I love that I can talk to you about things and you don’t freak out. It bothers me that you never pick up your laundry.” Stuff like that.
Then when you’re done with the event, you either mentally or literally document whatever good or bad things you aired out and then make plans for another six months or whatever to reassess everything. If/when that happens, you can look and say ‘Wow, you don’t talk to me about stuff anymore’ or ‘wow you started to clean up your laundry and I never really noticed or thank you, let me kiss your armpit.’
Clearly I’m well aware of how good this looks on paper, but I feel like the act of making it a ceremony or ‘formal’ might make it easier to bring these things up. Even if you bring up one single thing, it’s one more thing then you might have brought up if you were ‘too’ comfortable or whatever. I’m also aware that some relationships don’t have this kind of communication.
I suppose you could even do the ’scheduling’ without the other person knowing it, as well.
I’ve just seen my share of people, (including myself,) stuck in relationships for whatever reason. They convince themselves they are happy, they don’t think they can do better, whatever. This would help those people out at least. =P
So, does this sound like a good idea to you?
Or is it the most unromantic thing ever?
If it is, does it matter? =P
